Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
