I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
