Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She bit a glass in half.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
