Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
