.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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