new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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