my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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