was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My balls are so social today.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
