cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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