if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
