blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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