forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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