omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
