I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize