So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
