I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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