Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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