I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
