I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
