I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
