Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
please don't ironically join a cult
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