I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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