seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
