Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
