If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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