You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
