this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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