does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
