I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
