There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
