Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
