Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
