Your dad touched me again.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
