I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
