I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am one with the molecules
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
