Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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