so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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