I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Alive.
So much puke
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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