you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
