I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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