Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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