My liver just broke up with me...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
