You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
