If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
