I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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