i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're like the curious george of whores
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
