I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
