i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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