She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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