I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
