Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Too much gin, very little bucket
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
