Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
