I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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