Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I enjoy the company of your penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
