in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this just has baby written all over it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
