so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize