Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
