So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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