dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
