she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
