i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
