I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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