He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize