it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
